Writing Wednesday – Aaarggghhh (I’m pretty sure that’s a word)

mom-pulling-hair-outThat is how I am feeling right now.  I haven’t been writing and because I haven’t been writing I feel yucky and because I feel yucky I haven’t been writing …. spiralling down and down!  And, I’ve had a few other things on my mind which I realized have been made worse by the fact that I have not been journalling.  I am quite introverted and I find that I have a rich internal life – which often manifests itself as either depression or anxiety (fun).  I have found that when I journal I often work through much of the crazy nonsense my mind comes up with.  So, I haven’t been journalling which means I’ve been anxious and out of sorts.  I haven’t been writing because I’m anxious and out of sorts.  And, for another reason … well, this is my story and I’m sticking to it … my ridiculous perfectionist-procrastinator-ness.  I never like to start things because I don’t believe I can do them perfectly.  Eventually, I realize that ‘good enough’ is probably ‘good enough’ and get the thing finished, but I have trouble starting until I’ve moved through that cycle.  I hope this blog post means I’ve reached the point where ‘good enough’ will have to be ‘good enough’.  I mean, for pity’s sake, I’m just starting on the first draft of a first draft.  I’m not writing a novel for the Queen or anything!  So, that’s it [she says forcefully] I’m going to sit down tonight and write at least 700 words of a character sketch.  That should be easy [she says less forcefully], I have a lot of thoughts about this character, I’m sure I’ll be able to write something that’s ‘good enough’.  So, as soon as the pumpkins are carved (it will be Hallowe’en in North America tomorrow evening) I’m going to sit down and write a  super awesome  pretty good first draft of something really cool mildly interesting my protagonist did as a young woman.

Aaarggghh!  This is hard!  Somehow, when I have something interesting of which I am proud, I know it will have been well worth it.  Wish me luck!

Be Lovely to Each Other,

Laura

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2 thoughts on “Writing Wednesday – Aaarggghhh (I’m pretty sure that’s a word)

  1. Thank you for writing this Laura. I too, (I find myself sitting here obsessing about the correct way to punctuate the phrase “I too”) have been feeling a bit yucky and out of sorts lately. While I don’t wish semi-debilitating craziness on anyone, I find it comforting to be reminded that I am not the only one who has weird internal shit going on. I think for me the most recent angst has something to with upcoming CFSW in Montreal. As much fun as I know it is going to be, fears of screwing up and letting the team and TIP down seem to be creeping into my head along with worries that my increasing obsession with spoken word is detracting from other important aspects of my life, including my relationships with people I love. The two sets of thoughts seem to require opposite courses of action. So I stew. But I will soldier on, striving to embrace myself and my life, warts and all, and simply do the best I can. I do wish you luck in your efforts to do the same.

    Brent

    • Thanks, Brent. It is certainly good to be able to commiserate with fellow writers, especially when writing is more like ‘not-writing’. I have to say I’m lucky to have a partner who is also a writer and has some idea about what this crazy process is like. Good luck to you and the rest of the team in Montreal. I know you are all going to be awesome. I wish you more lovely poems – you know I can’t run my fingers through Pearce’s chest hair without thinking of Spanish balloons.

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